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*Taddle:iconTaddle:

Shadowheart  

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  • Female/Philippines
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  • Deviant since Aug 10, 2007, 12:07 AM
  • Subscribed until Jan 12, 2009, 7:16 AM
  • 32 Deviations
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  • 114 Deviation Comments
  • 25 Deviant Comments
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Trying

Journal Entry: Tue May 13, 2008, 9:23 AM



Rantings of a Madwoman

So…its been three days since we found my dad dead in the bathroom. Who would have known preparing and grieving a dead guy could be so…draining? Seriously. We barely had time to do anything else, getting everything ready, signing various forms and death permits, renting out a chapel and arranging the cremation. Or at least my mom has…she’s dead on her feet (Ha. The body count rises.). For us youngins (whom she doesn’t trust us with even a modicum of responsibility), we simply had to live in the chapel for the rest of the three days, grieving (or at least pretending to grieve) for the departed. Just today they finished the cremation and now he’s a pile of ashes in a fairly simple yet elegant urn somewhere in the house (who knows were mom stole it away to) and now we’re allowed to go back to our lives.

And all I have felt throughout all this is nothing more than a numbing emptiness. I loved my dad, maybe not as much as my mother did, which is why I’m not an emotional mess right now. Or maybe it’s just that I understand that it was his time and have accepted that. But there were times when I couldn’t sleep, when I kept thinking of seeing his body there and feel some part of me mourning, but I just can’t find the ability to do so. I –want- to, but I can’t feel enough to. And I don’t want to, because I’m not sure how well I can stand emotionally after that. I’m supposed to be studying now…it seems pointless. Everything seems pointless. And yet again I feel like the loneliest person in the world.

I appreciate those that offered their sympathies and a place to run to when I needed it. Really, I do. I’d want nothing more than to unburden myself right now (hey, that’s what journals are partially for, right?), but I feel that would only be more of a bother to you guys than comfort for me. Heh. Guess I’m just too much of those ‘I’m-so-needlessly-paranoid-and- insecure-no-one-could-possibly- understand-or-care-what-I’m- feeling-right-now’ types to ask for help. So biting it, like I always do.

Or maybe it’s a lot less of my dad’s passing and more of something else I’m struggling to terms with. It’s too personal to mention here.

Sorry, no art yet. Maybe soon, maybe later. But definitely after I get some proper sleep, which I haven’t been able to get for three days. I think what pissed me off most was that I broke my new diet and exercise plan I was going on sometime prior to the incident. I was determined to try to lose weight –this- time. >.>; Guess I’ll have to work harder for those three days. And goreblimey, when your muscles get incredibly sore after doing just a few minutes worth of jumping rope, walking a treadmill, push-ups on a table and very light ab crunches, you KNOW its time to straighten up. *dies too*

Oh. And mom just told me she'll be getting my computer cords back tomorrow. Well, isn't that just fucking peachy.

~Taddle




  • Mood: Angsty
  • Listening to: Cat and Mouse - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Devious Information

  • Current Age: I age every August 8 since 1987
  • Current Residence: The island where nobody goes.
  • Interests: Almost anything (I'm a very deprived person). ):
  • Favourite genre of music: Anything save techno, house party and certain rap.
  • Favourite style or digital art: Love the sketchy, half-colored, whispy sorts.
  • Skin of choice: I'm not racist. >.>
  • Personal Quote: "Murf."

Devious Comments

*ryuuen:iconryuuen: Apr 20, 2008, 1:52:47 PM
thanks for the watch

--
My Web Comic ~DUWP-Productions
~NeoSonictheHedgehog:iconNeoSonictheHedgehog: Mar 14, 2008, 8:19:39 PM
<: Hai Taddulz. Mucho luvz.

--
=[ Bluefusion Studios ]=
(c) NeoSonictheHedgehog
*Taddle:iconTaddle: Mar 2, 2008, 10:11:56 PM
I guess I like hiding here and plotting in my secretive little corner of the internetz. Hurr hurr hurr. >3

Or...I'm lazy to make with the fanservice. Or more arts in general. >.< That'll change soon. Very soon.

Tad: Mnyeash...mwahahahahahahahahahhahaha!
~NeoSonictheHedgehog:iconNeoSonictheHedgehog: Mar 1, 2008, 3:02:48 PM
D: Why don't you get more comments? You're like so awesome! arrr.

--
=[ Bluefusion Studios ]=
(c) NeoSonictheHedgehog
~NaomasDarkSide:iconNaomasDarkSide: Feb 21, 2008, 8:26:01 PM
o.o" I see. Well im i nthe bust stage. xP I have a friends B-day gift to finish i have a request to finish and i am drawing a dragon xD.
But you really need some rest =3

--
"As long as there is a moon, the Flowers will never die, and nor will us Wolves"
*Taddle:iconTaddle: Feb 21, 2008, 7:30:35 PM
Survivin'. Thinking up stuff I could draw. My brain is exhausted from being vollyed across nursing topics and such. >.< ;;
~NaomasDarkSide:iconNaomasDarkSide: Feb 17, 2008, 11:09:15 AM
xD Howz you doin ? *pokes you wif a cookie*

--
"As long as there is a moon, the Flowers will never die, and nor will us Wolves"
*Taddle:iconTaddle: Feb 17, 2008, 1:41:01 AM
Ohhh! Haaaaai thaaaar! XD *pokeback!*
~NaomasDarkSide:iconNaomasDarkSide: Feb 16, 2008, 8:09:19 AM
*pokes taddle* Wazzzaaaa xD

--
"As long as there is a moon, the Flowers will never die, and nor will us Wolves"
~GK3:iconGK3: Feb 14, 2008, 8:22:43 AM
Thanks for the Fav!
~chuckyrocks2007:iconchuckyrocks2007: Feb 12, 2008, 10:59:54 AM
your welcome did you get rid of them all . even if you did try this go to google and search advanced windows care v2 and download it . then launch the program and 2 windows well pop up the program and iobit news center there it well give you a link to a 3 month licence to avg anti-spyware . and it is legal so don't worry if you have any problem let me know .

--
check out my gallary [link]

PC Security Kit 360
[link]
*Taddle:iconTaddle: Feb 11, 2008, 6:02:11 AM
Welcome. And thanks for your help with the spyware things. ^^
~chuckyrocks2007:iconchuckyrocks2007: Feb 9, 2008, 9:32:56 AM
thanks for the fav

--
check out my gallary [link]

PC Security Kit 360
[link]
~DelightfulBunny:iconDelightfulBunny: Jan 24, 2008, 7:18:10 AM
yes you can dream. :>

--
Save a horse....
ride a donkey.
*Taddle:iconTaddle: Jan 23, 2008, 3:54:54 PM
I'm too nice to be cranky. But that might change. Maybe when I finally have my devoted legion fanbase. AND USE THEM TO RULE THE FIFTH DIMENTION AND HAVE MY PLANS FAIL EVER-CONSTANTLY BY THAT MEDDLING RABBIT! >D


...I can dream, can't I? *shot*
~DelightfulBunny:iconDelightfulBunny: Jan 23, 2008, 2:28:29 PM
LOL.
That was a response there! Atleast you aren't cranky when people
compliment your art skills.

--
Save a horse....
ride a donkey.
*Taddle:iconTaddle: Jan 23, 2008, 11:38:55 AM
Fankyu! =3

I wake up everyday at five in the morning for them. The devil demands I be his slave monkey in return. But I escaped his clutches by using my newly bestowed mad art skillz to design an elaborate and authentic-looking map directing him to the deity's greatest porn stash, which we all know is false cause porn is a myth and a political tool for people to vote for lousy presidents.

So now he's on an endless search for nothing, and I'm a DevArt addict thanking you lovely people. ^^ *kish*

...Hehe, I was bored. And procrastinating again. >.> Bad me.
~DelightfulBunny:iconDelightfulBunny: Jan 23, 2008, 7:46:32 AM
Wow, you have some art skills. :3

--
Save a horse....
ride a donkey.
~Sarahrosedibbun:iconSarahrosedibbun: Jan 22, 2008, 1:23:00 AM
Yeah, we gotta >.< But I'm always oekaking, so I can't go on chat or my computer will asplode from Java overdose.

I probably won't imporove. I'll just be all
Ehh
And stop drawing for six months so I have to catch up xD

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You suck.
*Taddle:iconTaddle: Jan 22, 2008, 1:03:06 AM
SARAH!! Fwomigod girl, I missed ya! I gotta catch up wif ya sometime. >.<

An I need to get better now, cause you'll get better than me by the time you hit my age! x_X Heh...my age. *granny'd*
~NeoSonictheHedgehog:iconNeoSonictheHedgehog: Jan 21, 2008, 10:11:26 PM
No 8D you totally don't.

--
=[ Bluefusion Studios ]=
(c) NeoSonictheHedgehog
~Sarahrosedibbun:iconSarahrosedibbun: Jan 21, 2008, 3:55:32 PM
OH HI THERE TAD
I SHALL WATCH YOU YET AGAIN
stop being better than me what

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You suck.
*Busiris:iconBusiris: Jan 18, 2008, 10:58:27 AM
Yeah! well... maybe later... >:3

--
"Warning: You just bought Hot Pockets!" --Jim Gaffigan "Comedian"
========
I would enjoy your presence on my DA page! :floating:
Visit my page at *Busiris, yo!
*Avatar by: =neekko (thanks a billion!)*
*Taddle:iconTaddle: Jan 18, 2008, 5:31:26 AM
Welcome! Procrastinators unite! Huzzah!